Chronic Pain and Silent Struggles

Nicholas Urbaniak • April 9, 2025

Embracing Relief One Step at a Time

We all go through hard times, and everyone is fighting a battle no one knows about. But think about what it’s like to struggle with chronic physical pain—a pain that doesn’t go away and probably never will. Any moments of relief are short-lived, and that’s an incredibly hard thing to endure.


First of all, it’s exhausting to handle normal day-to-day tasks while trying to ignore the pain. Even if you take something—Aleve, prescriptions, or try some intense meditation—none of it really takes the pain away permanently. It’s like a constant companion, nagging for attention like a neglected child, but the only thing you truly want is relief from the never-ending discomfort.


Anyone dealing with chronic pain is going through a much tougher experience than I am. Recently, I had a few bad mouth sores that lasted about nine days, and they completely drained me. It was hard to focus at work or be productive in my free time. If I wasn’t resting or taking pain medicine, I was basically on an uphill battle to get through my daily tasks. I can’t imagine living this way for weeks or months on end, so I really feel for anyone with chronic pain. It’s almost impossible to think about anything else when you’re in that level of discomfort.


One small sense of relief I felt was when the pain would subside just enough for me to breathe properly, or when I realized that eventually it would end. But overall, it was still pure hell to handle life while constantly clenching my jaw and dealing with a splitting headache. I had to be upbeat on work calls, clean the house, run errands—all while wanting to cry from the pain. It’s just not sustainable. So anyone who lives like this day in and day out has transcended a typical pain threshold and is one step closer to superhero status in my book.


But here’s the thing: a lot of people experience a silent pain, the kind they’ve gotten used to—so used to it, they barely notice anymore. I believe this silent pain is tied to purpose—the feeling that life hasn’t turned out how you’d hoped, or that you have no real control over your circumstances. It’s always there, and you’ve just accepted it. Occasionally, you might get a quick fix—maybe a promotion or a new activity—and you feel a spark of relief, like you’ve got your life back. Even if it’s short-lived, the memory of that relief is enough to make you hope for something better. So you wait for that next moment of reprieve, because only then do you feel clear-headed enough to figure out your next step.


The funny thing is, I don’t think you can just wait for relief. The only way to truly feel it is to settle into your emotions and your pain—acknowledge it without letting it define you. Take a deep breath and let it be. Relaxing into the pain and the chaos is the only way you can control how much relief you eventually feel. Once you reach even a small sense of relief, your world opens up, and you start to think about things beyond pain and disappointment.



So next time you feel stuck, try to find fifteen minutes to sit and recognize the pain without judging it—almost like you’re treating it as a part of yourself that just wants to be understood. Let it have some space. Don’t resist it, don’t wince away from it. You might discover that the pain itself isn’t what you’ve been running from—it’s the meaning behind it. Pain doesn’t mean you’re weak or disadvantaged. It means there’s an emotional link you haven’t let go of, something that makes the pain feel like a detriment or a weakness. Yes, you’re feeling pain, but you can also reframe it. Instead of seeing it as a problem you have to escape, see it as something that simply is. By doing that, you take the sting out of it and allow yourself the chance to breathe, heal, and keep going.

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By Nicholas Urbaniak • October 4, 2026
There’s a strange thing that happens when you want more out of life. You start convincing yourself that where you are now isn’t enough. The job isn’t enough. The house isn’t enough. The money isn’t enough. You’re not far enough along. You haven’t accomplished enough yet. And maybe some of that is true. Maybe there really is another level for you. Maybe you should make more money. Maybe you should take the risk, build the thing, get healthier, move somewhere new, become better at what you do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more. I think wanting more is part of being alive. But I’ve started to realize that there’s a big difference between wanting more and needing more in order to finally be okay . That difference changes everything. Because if your happiness is always attached to whatever comes next, you never actually arrive. You just move the finish line. You tell yourself: Once I make this much money, I’ll relax. Then you make it. And there’s another number. Once I get this job, I’ll feel successful. Then you get it. And suddenly you’re comparing yourself to the person above you. Once the business works… Once we buy the house… Once I lose the weight… Once people recognize what I’m doing… There’s always another “once.” And without realizing it, you can spend years living five feet in front of yourself. Maybe the Goal Isn’t to Stop Wanting More I don’t think the answer is to kill your ambition. I don’t want to pretend I’ve reached some enlightened state where I no longer care about accomplishing anything. I do. I want to build things. I want to succeed. I want my family to have more opportunities. I want to become better. I want to see what I’m capable of. But I don’t think those things have to come from being unhappy with my life right now. That’s the part I think we get wrong. We’ve been taught that dissatisfaction creates progress. Sometimes it does. But dissatisfaction can also become an addiction. Eventually, you stop climbing because you’re excited about where you could go. You climb because standing still makes you feel like you’re failing. Those are two very different ways to live. One says: “This isn’t good enough.” The other says: “This is good. And I wonder what else is possible.” I’d rather build from the second one. Comfort Isn’t Complacency Being comfortable where you’re at doesn’t mean giving up. It doesn’t mean you stop working hard. It doesn’t mean accepting circumstances you have the ability to change. It just means you stop treating your current life like a waiting room. You actually live in it. You look around and recognize that some of the things surrounding you right now were once things you desperately wanted. That’s easy to forget. There are probably things in your life today that a younger version of you would be amazed by. Things you prayed for. Things you worked for. Things you once thought would make everything different. And then they became normal. That’s what humans do. We adapt. The extraordinary becomes ordinary surprisingly fast. Which means if we don’t learn how to appreciate what we have now, there’s no reason to believe we’ll suddenly become good at appreciating things when we have more. More money won’t fix that. More recognition won’t fix that. More success won’t fix that. We’ll just have more things to overlook. Wanting From Abundance Instead of Lack I think there are two different places ambition can come from. One is lack. I need more because what I have proves I’m not enough. The other is abundance. I’m grateful for what I have, and I’m curious about what I can create from here. The actions might look exactly the same from the outside. Both people might work late. Both might start businesses. Both might chase promotions. Both might set ridiculous goals. But internally, they’re living completely different lives. One is constantly running away from something. The other is moving toward something. And I think you can feel the difference. When everything is driven by lack, even winning feels temporary. You get what you wanted and immediately ask: What’s next? When you’re grounded first, success becomes something you get to experience rather than something you need to survive. You can actually enjoy it. You Don’t Have to Earn the Right to Enjoy Today This might be the hardest part. Sometimes we almost feel guilty being content. Like if we become too comfortable, we’ll lose our edge. If I stop being hard on myself, maybe I’ll stop progressing. If I appreciate where I am, maybe I’ll stay here forever. But I’m not sure peace makes us weaker. I think it might make us better. Because now the energy that used to go toward constantly proving yourself can go toward actually creating something. You’re not wasting half of your attention worrying about whether you’re behind. You can just work. You can be present with people. You can take risks because your entire identity isn’t riding on whether they succeed. You can fail without feeling like the failure says something permanent about you. And strangely enough, that might make growth easier. You stop gripping everything so tightly. The Life You’re Chasing Is Happening Right Now That sentence has been sitting with me. Because the future version of your life that you’re working so hard for will eventually become another ordinary Tuesday. You’ll wake up. Make coffee. Look at your phone. Think about what needs to get done. Whatever you achieve, eventually you’re still just going to be you, living another day. So maybe the skill isn’t figuring out how to create a life so incredible that every day feels extraordinary. Maybe the skill is learning to see what is already extraordinary inside an ordinary day. The people sitting next to you. Your health. A quiet morning. A conversation with someone you love. Having something worth working toward. Even having the ability to wonder what comes next. None of that means you shouldn't chase more. Chase it. Build it. Go see how far you can take things. Just don’t accidentally sacrifice your entire present to a future that keeps moving away from you. There’s a sentence I keep coming back to: I’m happy here. And I’d still like to see where I can go next. I think both things can be true. Maybe they’re supposed to be. Where Purpose Blossoms, Honey Follows A bee doesn’t sit on a flower angry that it hasn’t reached the next one yet. It takes what is there. It gathers the nectar. And then it moves. Flower to flower. Moment to moment. There’s movement, but there’s also presence. Maybe we could learn something from that. You don’t have to hate this chapter to be excited about the next one. You don’t have to convince yourself that your life is lacking in order to improve it. You can appreciate what’s growing now while still planting what comes next. You can be grateful and ambitious. Content and curious. Comfortable and still moving. Maybe getting more doesn’t begin with desperately reaching for something outside of you. Maybe it starts by finally realizing: What I have right now is enough for me to be okay. And from there?  Let’s see what else can grow.
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