The Futility of Control

Nicholas Urbaniak • November 13, 2024

Embracing the Power Around You

In life, we often strive for control. We believe that if we hold on tightly enough, plan carefully enough, and push hard enough, we can shape our environment to fit our desires. But the truth is, trying to maintain control is like trying to make it windy by blowing air—you exhaust yourself and eventually realize that true power isn’t yours to create alone. It comes from embracing the support and forces around you.


The Illusion of Control


Control gives us a sense of security. It makes us feel as though we can predict and direct outcomes to avoid discomfort or failure. But much like trying to change the wind by blowing air, attempting to control every facet of life is a futile exercise. The tighter we grip, the more energy we waste and the less effective we become.


Life is full of variables—circumstances beyond our reach, other people’s decisions, and unexpected changes. When we cling to the illusion of control, we set ourselves up for frustration and burnout. The energy we expend on trying to control the uncontrollable takes us away from the real power we have: responding with grace, presence, and openness.


True Power Lies in Letting Go


The most empowering shift we can make is to release the need for total control and recognize the support and forces around us. This doesn’t mean giving up or being passive; it means understanding that true strength comes from adaptability, trust, and collaboration. When we stop trying to manufacture outcomes by sheer force, we allow life’s natural flow to guide us.


Imagine being part of a sailing crew. You can’t control the wind, but you can adjust the sails. You can’t command the ocean, but you can navigate it with skill, responding to changes as they come. This is the essence of true power—not forcing outcomes but working with the natural elements that surround you.


The Power of Community and Support


One of the most profound realizations in life is that we don’t have to do everything alone. The true power often lies not in what we can achieve individually, but in the support, resources, and energy of those around us. Just as trying to make the wind blow by yourself is impossible, trying to succeed without recognizing the importance of connection and collaboration limits your potential.


Support can come in many forms: loved ones offering encouragement, colleagues brainstorming together, or simply the shared energy of like-minded individuals. By acknowledging and leaning into this support, we tap into a power far greater than we could generate on our own.


The Paradox of Letting Go


Letting go of control may seem counterintuitive. It can feel like surrendering power when, in reality, it’s the opposite. When we release the need to micromanage every detail, we create space for things to unfold naturally. We become more attuned to opportunities we might have missed while fixated on a specific outcome. This kind of openness allows us to harness the energy of the present moment and move with it rather than against it.


Letting go doesn’t mean we abandon effort or intention. It means we shift our focus from rigidly trying to direct everything to being adaptable and aware of what’s happening around us. We become more effective because we respond with intention instead of reacting from fear.


The Strength in Trusting the Process


Trusting the process is an act of courage. It means believing that even when things don’t go according to plan, there’s a larger flow at work that we may not fully understand. This trust is what allows us to step back, breathe, and let life show us its rhythm. It’s what allows us to rely on the support of others and recognize that we don’t have to shoulder everything on our own.


Trusting the process is about finding power in adaptability. It’s about knowing that when we stop wasting energy trying to control what we can’t, we gain clarity on where we truly have influence. We realize that the power to shape our path lies in the choices we make, the relationships we nurture, and the way we respond to change.



Final Thoughts


Trying to maintain control is like trying to make it windy by blowing air—it’s exhausting and ultimately ineffective. True power isn’t found in the force we exert alone but in the recognition that we’re part of something bigger. By leaning into the support of those around us and trusting the process, we tap into a deeper strength.


We learn that letting go doesn’t mean losing power; it means finding it in a new, more profound way.

So, the next time you feel the urge to control every outcome, pause. Remember that life’s true power comes from embracing the support around you, adjusting your sails, and trusting the wind to carry you where you need to go.

Share

The man you stayed for himself
By Nicholas Urbaniak June 14, 2025
There are days when nothing makes sense. You try. You show up. You give your heart, your time, your attention. And still — nothing sticks. Nothing moves. Nothing reflects back what you hoped. Instead of momentum, you get static. Instead of appreciation, silence. You pour into things, into people, into ideas… and somehow feel more empty than full. And slowly, something inside you starts to break. It’s not dramatic. It’s quiet. A quiet cracking of belief. Belief that the world will reward your effort. Belief that kindness comes back around. Belief that if you keep doing the right thing, something will click. But sometimes, it doesn’t. And you’re left there — not with a revelation, but with a weight. A tiredness that no nap or quote or breathwork can fix. And here’s the truth: You’ve been giving everything away hoping someone would give something back. But now, there’s nothing left to give. And no one’s giving back. So maybe it’s time to stop. Not forever. Not dramatically. Just… for you. Stop waiting. Stop bleeding for things that don’t hold you in return. Stop trying to earn peace from a world that profits off your unrest. This isn’t giving up. This is self-rescue. You don’t need to be more useful, more available, more inspiring. You just need to be yours again. And that starts with something simple, but life-altering: “I see you. I won’t leave you again.” Because maybe the person you’ve been waiting to show up for you — was always going to be you. The one who stays. The one who protects your peace. The one who finally chooses you, without apology.
By Nicholas Urbaniak June 13, 2025
The Paradox of Trying Too Hard
By Nicholas Urbaniak June 5, 2025
How Consistency and Courage Team Up to Drive Lasting Self‑Transformation
A lone figure steps toward a golden glow at the end of a stone passageway
By Nicholas Urbaniak June 3, 2025
Struggle isn’t a detour—it’s a compass. This post shows how hardship clarifies priorities, reveals hidden support, and guides us toward deeper purpose, turning even the darkest passages into signposts for growth and authentic direction.
A focused young man sits at a wooden desk writing in a notebook beside an open laptop
By Nicholas Urbaniak May 31, 2025
Overwhelmed by your to-do list? This post explores how simply starting—before you feel ready—can create momentum, ease anxiety, and unlock the natural productivity your mind craves. Discover how action leads to flow and why the first step is often the hardest… but also the most powerful.
A young woman with shoulder-length brown hair sits peacefully in a sunlit field at sunset
By Nicholas Urbaniak May 30, 2025
Stop waiting for life to begin. This post explores how presence—not perfection—transforms each moment into the one that matters most.
A calm professional watches one plate spin while another shatters at his feet.
By Nicholas Urbaniak May 29, 2025
Embrace failure, ditch perfection, and unlock a growth mindset. Learn how strategic surrender turns risks and mistakes into momentum for success.
A man is sitting at a desk with a laptop and a dog behind him.
By Nicholas Urbaniak May 7, 2025
How I learned that stepping away doesn’t mean giving up...again
A bull and Rhino hit horns while a fox watches
By Nicholas Urbaniak May 4, 2025
The Gentle Path of Checking In and Noticing How You’re Really Feeling
two women look at each other without judgement
By Nicholas Urbaniak April 23, 2025
Turning Inward to Treat Others Better
More Posts